We want to talk to you men.
The world’s changing. The antiquated gender norms that used to govern relations between men and women are shifting under our feet. These days, women can drive cars, vote, own houses – even develop video games. It’s truly a fine time to be alive.
Nowhere is this newfound equality of the sexes so evident than in the world of fashion. On catwalks in New York, Milan, and Tokyo; in magazines, on TV, perhaps even on your street corner, clothing is getting androgynous than ever before.
You know what we’re talking about. Shirts.
We know not a lot of you men are on board with this. Something within you might recoil at the sight of a man wearing a shirt. Seriously, a shirt?!? How girly can you get?? You know who wears shirts? Women! It is, admittedly, true that the average woman wears a shirt every single day. But stay with us.
You may be content to dress traditionally – covering your torso with a hollowed-out log, a crimped ring of sheet metal, the warm, bloody hide of a freshly killed animal, a liberal coating of swamp mud, or simply baring your chest in a masculine expression of defiance toward the elements. You enjoy it. And you’ve always looked good in it. But unfortunately, that kind of dress is looked down upon in many sectors of our increasingly genteel society. You need to get with the times or be left behind.
And if we’re being honest with ourselves, aren’t a lot of us curious about shirts? Admit it – many of you have looked at your wife, secretary, escort, what have you, and the thought’s popped into your mind that a bit of fabric might feel nice on your rippling pectorals. Such a garment might afford you a wide range of movement to better suit your active, manly lifestyle. There might be some outfits you’d like to wear to your next high-powered cocktail hour that a shirt would complement quite nicely indeed.
The problem is, of course, how is one to project an appropriate aura of manliness in such a female-gendered garment? What if someone sees us wearing a shirt and says, “Hi, ma’am,” or “Where’s the purse to match?” or “Everybody knows you put your finger up Scott Pekurny’s butt at Scout camp when you were fourteen”. That’s why the ShHimt was created.
When you wear a ShHimt, you can feel comfortable and stylish without compromising your masculinity. The ShHimt allows you to fit right into today’s egalitarian fashion landscape your way – the manly way. It has all the advantages of a shirt, but it’s unmistakably for a man. In this, you will cut a dashing figure. You will exude confidence and power. You will DOMINATE.
Look at these models wearing ShHimts. No one ever mistakes them for “those types”. We assure you, they fuck women constantly. You can practically smell the pussy wafting off them. And you – yes, you – can look just like this in a ShHimt. Ladies will swoon and line up to tear it off you.
The ShHimt comes in a variety of cuts, styles, materials, and colors that help men’s bodies look the best they can look in any situation. It is made to hang well on bodies with no bust, narrow hips, and huge, powerful shoulders. Moreover, the fabric the ShHimt is made of is coarser than soft feminine skin can tolerate.
Many styles come with pockets that come in handy for when you need to store, say, a tool, or spare cartriges for a firearm. Utilitarianism and practicality are manly as shit. They’re also machine-washable, because as we all know, men like to get messy!
You may feel weird – emasculated, even – the first few times you wear the ShHimt. But in these crazy modern times, we’ve got to broaden our perspectives. Try a ShHimt: the men’s garment of the new millenium.